In my house, we always spent Christmas Eve curled up on the couch with a box of Chinese food watching horror movies. It started out in 1999 when I was completely burned out on Christmas. We always ordered Chinese food and watched movies but that year, I asked my mom if we could watch some anti-Christmas movies. We dialed into our 56k modem and looked up Anti-Christmas movies. That year, we watched Die Hard and Gremlins. The year following, my mother wanted to keep up the tradition of Anti-Christmas movies so we watched horror movies.
Despite my religious conversion to Judaism, I still honor this family tradition by ordering up a steaming pile of fried rice and horror movies in one genre or another. As a horror movie connoisseur, I'm constantly being asked for the genre's scariest movies. I heard it said on Chiller (an American horror movie channel on DirecTV) that horror fans are constantly searching for that first fright, that first high we got from the very first movie to scare us, and I agree completely. I've long since given up on American horror being able to scare me but I still follow the genre looking for things that will assault my senses and raise the hairs on the back of my neck.
So in honor of the Anti-Christmas horror movie film festival that happens in my home every year, below are some of my all-time FAVORITE horror movies.
#1 - Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)
Now, I have to give mad props to the first Paranormal Activity (2009) for breaking through the wall of cheap cheesy horror that had been plaguing us for much of the last 15 years (with a few honorable mentions) and bringing back the homage to the horror in your head. You never SAW the demon. But the second one left out the annoying hum that alerted you to the horror in the first one and that is why it became my favorite. For me, a key to horror is being able to surprise you and leaving out the hum allowed you to anticipate but never expect it. While the first one freaked me out, the second one STILL freaks me out because, even if I know that this is the cabinet scene and I have SEEN this cabinet scene 400 million times now, it STILL sneaks up on you on repeat viewings. It sucks you in from the beginning and you are all of a sudden on the ride with them. It's rare that you get so sucked into a movie the way I got sucked into Paranormal Activity 2 and it is a crucial element of horror to suck you in and take you on the chaotic rollercoaster. So because it is so gripping and because no matter how many times you see it, it will STILL raise the hairs on your neck, I recommend this movie. Honors go to Paranormal Activity 3 (2011) because of the rotating camera. If you watch the first and second ones multiple times, the ending to the third one will piss you off to NO end. But if you've never seen any of them or you only watched them once (or you walk out of the theaters when they get to grandma's house), all three are amazing. And DON'T try to watch them in chronological order. It just irritates you. Trust me. I've tried.
#2 - Thirteen Ghosts (2001)
Note that I am referring to the remake, not the original 1960 feature, which I have honestly never seen. I can't say enough about why I love this movie with all of my heart and soul. No. That's not true. I don't have an empirical reason for adoring this movie to pieces. I just do. The ghosts themselves, the machine, the plot... this movie has so much bang for its buck. Yeah, it's got a cheesy sub-plot and it's full of cliches, but... the ghosts. There's something spectacularly wonderful about the 12 captured ghosts and how they wander around killing people. One of the ghosts (The Angry Princess) actually became a regular hallucination, that's how much this movie is embedded into my psyche.
#3 - The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005)
Part "Law and Order", part "Exorcist" with none of the cheesiness of masturbating on your period with a crucifix, Emily Rose takes you on a wild ride with the woman I consider the new Queen of Scream, Jennifer Carpenter (Quarantine, Dexter). The drama that happens in between the telling of Emily's story ropes you in so that you suffer through the bone chilling possession scenes, and all through the movie you're presented with an alternate time-line. Is she possessed? Is she not? You decide. This movie is so completely brilliant all over the place.
#4 - Bride of Chucky (1998)
This movie belongs in the "Horror Comedy" sub-genre (along with Shaun of the Dead and Scream) and I don't even consider it truly a horror movie. This movie is HYSTERICAL. Now, let's give a shout out to the original. Nothing will replace "Child's Play"(1988) in any horror movie fan's repertoire and that movie will always have a special place in my heart. But I have always said that death by itself doesn't mean it's a horror movie. That said, Jennifer Tilly was the PERFECT actress to play Tiffany, Chucky's former lover. And the underlying humor that we all KNEW was there in the original "Child's Play" movies suddenly bursts out onto the scene. You laugh... and then there's intestines... and then you laugh a little bit more... and then someone catches nails to the face. This movie holds a special place in my heart BECAUSE it is a horror comedy.
#5 - Poltergeist (1982)
What do you get when you combine a haunted house with a creepy child and then demonically possessed toys? You get Poltergeist. while she's not the creepiest child I have ever seen in a horror movie, her one liner ("They're heeeeeeerrree") makes everyone stop and pay attention. Thirty years later, this movie still tops the list of many horror movie fanatics as a fan favorite. And you can't explain WHY. Thirty years later, we have movies that actually have shocked our senses so seeing a little girl covered in slime and skeletons popping up out of the ground is hardly scary. But c'mon now. You don't pitch the baby with the bathwater. Poltergeist is still freaky as hell. It's well-acted, the plot is compelling, and WHO DOESN'T LOVE A CREEPY CHILD STUCK IN THE TV! But my FAVORITE part was the demon possessed toy room. Craig T. Nelson opens the door for the paranormal researchers and this plastic 45-player rotates into view where the record spins backwards as if to say "Ohai! I'm a demon possessed record player. No Big Deal." And THEN Craig T. Nelson acts like this is totally a normal thing to happen. Fabulous. Fan-fucking-tastic scene.
#6 - Saw (2004)
Really, you should watch any of the Saw movies except the last one. But the first one VIOLATED our senses as American Horror fans because it ushered in the "Torture Porn" sub-genre and as such, it will always be my favorite. Well that and I have an immense hard on for Cary Elwes and would love to chain him to MY bathtub for a few years. Now, one of the things I didn't like as much about the franchise is that they explained the history of the serial killer. As long-time readers will remember, this is my BIGGEST pet peeve about horror movies. I don't need to know why my serial killer BECAME a serial killer ("Hannibal" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" I'm looking at you!). I just want him to kill people in an epic fashion! That said, Jigsaw was a highly unusual horror movie villain from the get-go. His were kills of mercy and there were always ways out of his traps. He WANTED you to fight for your life. Most of the time you failed miserably and, towards the end of the franchise, his proteges were just offing people to off them, but in the original Saw movie, he WANTED you to WANT to live. The thing that made the original Saw movie a classic in my mind was that it was truly a genre bender. It was gory as FUCK and truly opened up the "Torture Porn" genre. Sure, there has been gore since the beginning. But this was a whole new level of gore. And it was combined with a serious mind fuck that placed it squarely in the horror hall of fame. The writer and director have both said that they do not consider Saw to be a horror movie, but a thriller. And it will thrill the FUCK out of you if you are a horror movie junkie like I am.
#7 - Quarantine (2008)
I know. I know. I keep picking movies from the last decade and I keep picking American movies at that. But seriously... I have seen "[REC]" (2007) and I have seen "Quarantine" and I wouldn't be doing my fellow horror movie fan's any justice if I didn't pick the American version over the Spanish version. Both movies have identical plots and nearly identical scripts, so there's no fundamental difference there. The BIG difference is Jennifer Carpenter. As I said before with "Emily Rose", Jennifer Carpenter is this generation's Queen of Scream. She is almost genetically engineered for horror and she does it so BRILLIANTLY. I didn't have the pleasure of seeing this movie on the big screen but if I had, it probably would have gotten under my collar much the same way "Paranormal Activity" did. In fact, when I first watched it on DVD (picked up from Redbox), I watched it in total darkness and it STILL freaked me out to no end. Her screams in the last act of the film are enough to freeze anyone's blood. "[REC]" picked a very pretty lady with very meek screams and it didn't freak me out much at all. But Jennifer Carpenter has this blood curdling scream that stops you in your place and makes you shutter, much the same way that Jamie Lee Curtis did in the original Halloween movie. SHE makes this movie a freaky success. Just her alone. I also kinda liked that the found footage had the guy from "Hostel" in it (as a fireman) and the girl from "Emily Rose". While I understand the logic in hiring rookie actors for a "found footage" movie, they're MUCH better when the actors are professionals AND used to the genre. I feel like "Quarantine" is a nod to those of us who are a bit more picky with our horror. That said, not everyone is into "Found Footage," especially after "The Blair Witch Project" (1999) and "Cloverfield" (2008) and while I can understand that, I feel like my horror movie fans overlook the genre too much BECAUSE of "Blair Witch" and "Cloverfield" and when they do that, they miss gems like "Paranormal Activity" and "Quarantine."
#8 - I Spit On Your Grave
Notice I put no release year on this one. That is because BOTH movies (1978 and 2010) are classics on my list. I'm almost never impressed with the remake/rebooting of my favorite horror movies from the 70s and 80s (I offer up "The Wicker Man" - the 2006 remake of the 1973 film - as a prime example of a reboot that should have been burned on the cutting room floor, DESPITE starring my all-time favorite actor, Nicholas Cage.) and it is happening with increasing frequency as the Pepsi Generation starts becoming the ones with the most disposable income. I never understood the loyalty to a certain actor playing a certain character (think "James Bond") until they rebooted "Nightmare on Elm Street" and they did it without Robert Englund. I suffered. Greatly. Even "Freddy vs. Jason" (2003) was easier to choke down than the remake of "Nightmare" BECAUSE Robert Englund was still doing Freddy. That said (and I will elaborate more later on in this post), "I Spit On Your Grave" was done by a director who was in total awe of the original and rebooted it so it was faithful. The gore factor was increased ten-fold, as will happen since the whole genre has become more focused on SEEING the violence and less on IMAGINING the gore (think of "Psycho" and how little gore there was in the 1960 Alfred Hitchcock version, which relied mostly on shadows and imagination to scare you with a big reveal of a decomposing corpse as their gross out scene, as opposed to the Gus Van Saint version released in 1998, where there was ample blood and explicit gore throughout), but the remake honestly made me feel proud to be a horror movie fan because it bowed down to the original and only sought to move the movie out of the seventies. Both versions are must-watches but I admit to being partial to the newer version because I have hated Matthew Lillard ever since he did "Scream" (1996) and the chick was about 10 times more attractive in the reboot. But if you're a woman and you're feeling slightly disempowered, watch "I Spit On Your Grave." You'll fist pump at the end.
#9 - Jason X (2002)
I had a very hard time relating to the "Friday the 13th" series growing up because I never went to summer camp and I never found Jason to be a particularly menacing villain. I had a hard time with Michael Meyers and Leatherface for very similar reasons. But as someone who is addicted to horror and science fiction, "Jason X" appealed to my senses in a way I did not expect. The premise is that Jason was captured and cryogenically frozen, but then thawed due to clerical error and goes on a killing rampage on a space station in 2455. Yes. Cheesy as hell, I know. But I freaking love this movie. some horror fans place Aliens in their collection as a great example of Horror Does Sci Fi. I don't. Likewise, I almost don't classify "Jason X" as horror other than it stars Jason. It's a very high budget movie with lots of glitz and glamour. Jason is stuck in a time warp though and that's what makes it cool. And it's totally tacky. But it EMBRACES the tacky-ness, and doesn't try to be legitimate. Many of my favorite horror movies are completely campy and "Jason X" is a prime example of total camp. But it's a good one for people who are squeamish about scary movies and it always takes me to my horror happy place, so it's on my favorites. It's also the last time that Kane Hodder played Jason so we can all shed a tear at the end of "Jason X" as Kane bows out of the role he made famous.
#10 - "Nightmare on Elm Street" (1984)
For my final movie, I just HAD to go back to the franchise who stared my obsession with horror. The first movie to scare the shit out of me was "Nightmare on Elm Street V: Dream Child" (1989). I was six and we were watching it on HBO. My mom had let me see "The Making Of" special and we talked very seriously about the difference between reality and make-believe before she allowed me to watch it. But I was a big girl and this wasn't gonna scare me at ALL. Well... I didn't sleep for weeks afterwards and I had nightmares about Freddy coming out of the toilet trying to get me for a few months. That first horror movie thrill that all of us horror movie junkies had (and is the reason we're so entranced by the genre) was given to me by robert Englund's Freddy Kreuger. As time has gone on, I always go back to Freddy when I'm looking for my horror happy place and I have watched the entire franchise, including the reboot. The thing about the reboot was that Freddy was an ICON in the 80s. He wasn't just a villain. He was an icon in the same vein as Max Hedroom. Freddy was EVERYWHERE. He was pitching Pepsi and there were toys. Robert Englund MADE him an icon. He was funny, crass, crude, and then he killed you. The reboot made Freddy a sad human being who could be shrink'd out of his urge to kill for even just 2 minutes. You couldn't do that with Robert Englund's Freddy. He would have laughed, called you a dickbag, and killed you anyway. The reboot seriously almost made me cry with how much Freddy had changed. The thing that made the franchise great was that it never FULLY explained why Freddy was mass murdering people in their sleep. I mean, you knew he was a pedophile who was killed by townies in a massive fire, but there was never back story. Too many other franchises spend all their time on the villain's back story and with Freddy this was not a problem. He just went around killing new people and stalking the fuck out of The One Who Got Away. And while any movie in this franchise (save the 2010 reboot) is quality and worth your time, you HAVE to start with the movie where he was created because it just doesn't get any better than watching Wes Craven push Robert Englund in such a wonderful, beautiful horror movie flow. And the scene where he kills Johnny Depp tops SO many horror movie lists as one of the scariest movie scenes ever put on celluloid. PLUS... that shit happens early on so it really sets the tone of the movie. For my money, "Nightmare on Elm Street" ranks as one of my FAVORITE movies of all time, and even more so when it's favorite horror movies.
Honorable Mention: "Hellraiser" (1987)
You can't have a horror movie list without Pinhead and the Cenobytes! And honestly, Pinhead was the ONLY horror villain I ever wanted to know the back story on (which is revealed as you go through the franchise). But the thing about Clive Barker's "Hellraiser" is that it's a WEIRD kind of horror. It builds suspense and you're anticipating this gruesome scene but totally 80's style gruesome... and then it happens... but it's not at ALL what you expected. It's random claws shooting out of nothingness and ripping your skin off. It's the chatterer wandering in and chattering at you because now you're somewhere between dead and hell in a place where torture is pleasure and then there's the step-mom who is TOTALLY Norman Bates about the world but you don't know why she's got a frozen rod up her ass. It's fucking WEIRD. But definitely a Must See.
