This book annoys me primarily for the very white washed version of BDSM. I'm not an expert on BDSM. I still have a lot to learn. But hearing that Christian Gray refuses to do Gynecological/Medical play and breath play just left me astounded. I get the lack of interest in blood play and "water sports" (as the first requires a very skilled and experienced lover and the second is just plain gross). But what I'm uneasy about is that he is probably the most boring Dom I have ever heard of, aside from those who are just starting out in the fetish world.
I have been involved in a number of BDSM relationships, ranging from the full-blown, full-time Dom (Jeremiah) to the casual, no penetration acts that occur in a dungeon. I have been going to BDSM clubs since I was 18. I'm not the most experienced Sub in the world (and indeed, I'm only a submissive to men), but I know a thing or two. Blood play is hot. Medical play is FREAKING hot. And breath play is where it's at.
When Sandman and I met, he proclaimed himself a masochist, which he is not. I am, to some large degree. I'm less a submissive and more a masochist. I don't generally enjoy being degraded (honestly, I struggle to keep from laughing while men try to degrade me) but I do heartily enjoy being beaten and flogged, forced into submission.
What I enjoy about BDSM is the ability to take you above your current feelings. I enjoy being emotionally challenged and taken to a higher plane of reality. When I'm locked in a mixed episode and desiring very much to hurt myself, it is usually through BDSM play that I can reset the brain without fear of ACTUALLY hurting myself. The Doms I play with are very careful not to push my Hard Limits and they are very skilled in knowing how to push my Soft Limits without taking me to a dark place. It is through BDSM play that I am healing from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Ironically enough, it was through BDSM that I *GOT* PTSD.
Sandman has always had a curiosity about BDSM (his favorite porn to watch is Female Submission and Degradation) and though I had to table the whole idea when his rape fantasy took me to a very dark place (rape victims call it secondary rape), I have always known that eventually we would start to explore this deeper side of things. It started slowly enough.. some breath play via constriction (Sandman would hold me in a spooning position and wrap his arm tightly around my chest, crushing my lungs), and mild spanking. It took him about a year to get beyond his Madonna/Whore complex (as in he was unable to be a proper Dom because he respected me too much and felt that BDSM bedroom play was disrespectful), but he's starting to see that what happens in the bedroom doesn't translate to our overall relationship. In all fairness, it took me about a year to get to a place where I was willing to re-try BDSM in a more than playful, vanilla kind of way. But as time goes on, and he develops confidence in what he's doing, the limits push further out. Every so often, I present something new for him to try on, usually in threes. I present three things and he figures out what he likes and doesn't like about each thing.
My list of fetishes is quite long. I enjoy flogging, beating, caning, spanking, constricted airways (including but not limited to choking, gags, skull fucking, and having my chest constricted - which is my primary form of auto-erotic asphyxiation since you can't really DIE from having your chest bound too tightly, while you CAN die if you tie things around your neck), being tied up, denial of orgasm, nipple twisting, gynecological equipment (This one is a bit hard for me because I very nearly ALWAYS get turned on by my yearly pap smear - something the doctors have often complained about - but the primary reason why I have a hard time only going once a year), dental equipment, latex, clowns, anonymous sex (via masks), blood sports (but I refuse to do them with just anyone. I'm not willing to teach someone who isn't committed long-term because blood sports require a LOT of confidence and skill - I find that nurses are best at blood sports), Heavy Metal (as in chains, power tools, etc.), being commanded and talking dirty... the list goes on. My Hard Limits are anal, clitoral punishment, and I don't swallow or otherwise get semen in my mouth. Beyond that, it's all fair game. And even then, I'm curious about Anal but view it as something akin to blood sports - it takes patience, skill, and a LOT of confidence.
Back to the book... there are a number of things I have a hard time believing, being a woman who has enjoyed the tastes of a number of lovers.
#1 - The euphemisms. Now I get that in erotica, there is a lot of word play going on to describe the actual sex. I've read my fair share (and indeed written some). But what annoys me is the LACK of verbage used to describe the female anatomy in this book, and the heavy dose of medical terminology. "He put his erection in my sex," is an actual line from the book. Instant turn off. Your SEX?! What the fuck is your "sex"? Your vagina? That's my assumption. What happened to "my tight wet pussy"? The only swear words spoken are by Christian and they're well placed for full effect. Ana NEVER says anything off-color, which makes her very bland and boring. Plus she is always talking about "making love" and then doing her breathy "Oh.. wow.. AMAZING" thing which is another annoyance of mine.
#2 - Christian is multi-orgasmic. I know first-hand that it is POSSIBLE for a man to be multi-orgasmic. I have seen it. But not with the downtime this man has (which is literally a matter of minutes) and it's a skill a man has to really work on for years at a time (or have gone without sex for a LONG period of time). Men who are multi-orgasmic need about 20 minutes to a few hours to rebound. This man is hard and ready to get off five seconds later at the drop of a hat. THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE.
#3 - Anastasia's very first ever orgasm (here's a chick who is into meaningless sex with a hottie billionaire but DOESN'T MASTURBATE) was by breast play. Now, as a skilled lover myself, who has spent decades getting to know my own body, I am capable of five distinct orgasms at present: Clitoral, Vaginal (which is really cervical), G-Spot, E-Zone, and No Touch. Men who are interested can combine any number of the above for a much more exasperated orgasm (Sandman's favorite combination is the clitoral/G-Spot, likely because it's the easiest one, once you figure out that my g-spot is up near my cervix). But THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN THE FIRST TIME YOU ORGASM. It takes YEARS of knowing your body, knowing what feels good and what works for you to get to a point where you can feel something other than a clitoral orgasm. This sets women up for failure to read this book and think they too can achieve their first ever orgasm by breast play. It annoyed me further that her second one was through anal, but that is legit possible so I let that one slide. She didn't get a clitoral orgasm at all until the next day when he was eating her out .. oh I'm sorry.. "kissing (her) down THERE.." (something she was actually repulsed by until she came). Oh and her vaginal orgasms are WAY too easy and WAY too perfectly timed. She comes right as he does. Isn't that nice. Happy ending for all.
#4 - Speaking of happy endings... spoiler alert - they get married in book three. I'm not at book three and gauging by how pissed I'm getting at book one, I never will get there. But I cheated and read the synopsis. Oh and she has his bebe. True Love. So let me get this right... the women who has only ever kissed 2 guys in her life, gets entangled in meaningless pre-marital sex with the world's most BORING dom, and then spends the rest of the novel trying to ascribe meaning to her meaningless sex, which obviously works as they get married in book three, gets married to the only guy she's ever had sex with...
Can I yawn hard enough for this climax? Probably not. How utterly BLEACHED! She gets involved with a sex demon, reforms him into a normal vanilla lover, and marries him. Oh isn't THAT the love story for the ages. (rolls eyes) All you need is the love of a good woman to reform you of your BDSM ways.
This is not how that fetish works. He might PRETEND to be vanilla with you but he's whacking it to BDSM porn, and eventually he WILL cheat on you to get what he wants (or you'll get divorced). When you meet someone who is into BDSM so much that they have constructed a soundproof, red leather play room, you have to respect that. If it's not your thing, you two are fundamentally sexually incompatible and you should go your separate ways. FOR GOOD.
I was lucky that Sandman was a latent dom who just needed some confidence and someone to teach him how to be an overt dom. He is submissive in real life but in the bedroom, he rather enjoys domination. Why that makes me lucky is that I am a masochist with an extensive knowledge of BDSM and I'm a good teacher. I just had to verify that teaching him wouldn't be a waste of my time. As he progresses with each new skill and the confidence to carry it out, he gets a new one, usually in batches of three.
Last night, he got to re-visit the gag (second time), along with playing with straps to tie me up (first time), and trying different angles of skull fucking. He discovered that the position he put me in led to teeth and I'm not really ready to show him how to avoid that because he needs some more confidence in that arena before I show him the tricks to it. But he wants to focus on the gag and the ties. So that's where we are going.
Sum total: this book is Mormon porn and it's really fucking annoying to someone who has been in the lifestyle for neigh on 12 or 13 years now. But my boss is about to show so I have to cut this off.
** Edit @ 3pm **
A question...
Have you written any stories that are available online?No erotica is available online. There's some weepy fiction that I wrote in 2009 labeled "Fiction" (original right LOL). Most of my erotica was lost when my last CPU crashed.
